Friday, February 14, 2020

Every James Bond Theme Song Ranked




A few years ago I ranked all of the Bond films and earned some debate for my trouble. If you like James Bond, you’ve no doubt got some favorites and probably a few you consider dogs. One of the comments about that post that most interested me was the idea that I ought to rank the theme songs as well. I'd already written a post about how much I disliked Sam Smith's “Writing’s on the Wall” so it felt wrong to rank all 24 theme songs at the time. Now that it’s 2020 and a new entry has arrived in the form of “No Time To Die”, I'm ready to do this thing. Here we go, from worst to best, all of the official James Bond theme songs.

25. The Man with the Golden Gun – Lulu
To Lulu's credit, it's tough to sing a song with such a ridiculous title, but man, this one is really bad. I'm reasonably confident I wrote better lyrics in my high school notebook.

24. All Time High (from Octopussy) - Rita Coolidge
James Bond is supposed to be sexy and dangerous. So why go with a song better suited for a dentist's waiting room?

23. On Her Majesty's Secret Service - John Barry Orchestra
With one exception, instrumentals just don't hold up when compared to some of the great songs this franchise has offered. This is not that exception.

22. From Russia With Love - John Barry Orchestra
This is not that exception either.

21. Writing's On The Wall (from Spectre) - Sam Smith
My burning hatred for this song has simmered a bit over the past five years, but Oscar winner or no, it still sucks. Different Bond eras each require different types of music, but Bond should never be whiny.

20. Another Way to Die (from Quantum of Solace) - Jack White and Alicia Keys
On paper the combination of Jack White's kick ass guitar playing and Alicia Keys' slinky voice sounds like a winner, but at least on this track, it didn't work at all.

19. Die Another Day – Madonna
I'm a fan of Madonna’s older music, but this track is an overproduced soulless song for an overproduced, soulless film.

18. Moonraker - Shirley Bassey
This one suffers from the same problems as “The Man with the Golden Gun” but features a much better singer. Shirley Bassey's voice always satisfies, even when the material is less than stellar.  

17. For Your Eyes Only - Sheena Easton
This one has more sex appeal than “All Time High”, but it's just as wimpy. There's nothing wrong with a Bond theme centering on his bedroom antics rather than his killer instincts, but don't make it sappy.

16. Thunderball - Tom Jones
This tune is just as silly as Moonraker, but it's sung by Tom Jones. Nobody puts Tom Jones at the bottom of a list.

15. No Time To Die - Billie Eilish
Yep, this is the new one. Ms. Eilish's whispery warble of a voice isn’t my cup of tea, but the song itself isn't bad. Give it a few listens, it might grow on you.

14. Diamonds Are Forever - Shirley Bassey
Still not her best contribution to the Bond franchise, but Shirley Bassey nails this one. There's not another singer who has contributed more to the mythos of James Bond.

13. Tomorrow Never Dies - Sheryl Crow
I'm a fan of Sheryl Crow and I think this song matches up well with the film, but the truth is, it's not even the best song on the soundtrack. That honor belongs to “Surrender” by k.d. lang.

12. The Living Daylights - a-ha
If you compare my list to others from more famous sources you probably won’t find this song ranked nearly this high, but they're wrong. It’s a great reflection of James Bond in the late 80s.

11. Goldeneye - Tina Turner
No other Bond theme singer’s voice rivals Tina Turner’s for pure sexiness. Match her up with a song written by U2’s Bono and The Edge and you’ve got a winner.

10. You Only Live Twice - Nancy Sinatra
Sure, this is one of the cheesier theme songs, but the Asian-themed arrangement with its strings and horns does a great job of teeing up the unique setting of the film.  

9.  The World Is Not Enough – Garbage
I admit I have a personal bias for this one. I sat a row away from Shirley Manson and the rest of the band at this film's premier. It was completely by chance and it remains one of my more surreal experiences. That said, Garbage is one of the best bands of the 90s and this lush song is the perfect introduction to the movie’s villain, the beautiful heiress, Elektra King.

8.  License to Kill - Gladys Knight
Sure, this is a knock-off of "Goldfinger", but it's nearly as great. Gladys Knight has the pipes to let you know she and our British spy hero have something in common. They both mean business.

7.  Nobody Does It Better (from The Spy Who Loved Me) - Carly Simon
If you're going to sing a theme song from the point of view of one of Bond's many lovers, this is how you do it. Bond's been loving and leaving them since 1962 yet every one of them would take him back in a heartbeat.

6.  A View to a Kill - Duran Duran
You don't get much bigger than Duran Duran in the mid 80s. The film franchise may have been a bit stale during this timeframe, but the music was top notch.

5.  You Know My Name (from Casino Royale) - Chris Cornell
Casino Royale marked the beginning of the current hard-edged Bond as played by Daniel Craig and you won't find many singers with a voice harder-edged than Chris Cornell.

4.  Live and Let Die - Paul McCartney and Wings
If Duran Duran epitomized the 80s Bond, Paul McCartney and Wings did the same for the 70s. This might be the best song that band ever produced and it's one of the best James Bond has ever had.

3.  Skyfall – Adele
This 2012 tune is one of the most popular songs in franchise history for one of the most popular films in the franchise history. Adele's voice is gorgeous and it perfectly echoes the danger and tragedy of this movie's storyline.

2.  Goldfinger - Shirley Bassey
The first non-instrumental Bond theme song remains the best one. No one belts out a tune like Shirley Bassey. Long may she reign!

1.  James Bond Theme (from Dr. No) - John Barry Orchestra
This is the exception to the rule. No other instrumental does James Bond justice, but the theme song that introduced the world to James Bond with Dr. No remains as iconic as ever. I think some version of this song has played in every one of the 25 films to date and I don't see that changing in the future. It's as integral to the character as his martini, shaken not stirred, and his Walther PPK.

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