Never Tell Me the Odds

Photo Credit: Lucasfilm

Like many writers, I’m currently looking for a literary agent. I self-published my first novel Storm Orphans without even attempting to go the traditional publishing route and I learned a valuable lesson. It didn’t matter that readers enjoyed the book. I simply couldn’t reach a broad audience without mass media exposure. Social media and word of mouth only travel so far for us non-celebrities. I needed professional reviews, magazine interviews, and brick and mortar bookstore shelf space. Without those, my book and hence my writing career to date have been doomed to obscurity.

So I’m querying agents with my new book, a piece of middle-grade fiction that I believe will appeal to the same kids that enjoy stuff such as Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Narnia, and The NeverEnding Story. It’s a fast-paced, fun story but after doing my research, it’s become clear to me that I need to approach the task of finding professional representation in the same fashion Han Solo approaches navigating an asteroid field in the Millennium Falcon. I simply can’t worry about the odds being stacked against me.

Several of the agents I’m targeting post statistics regarding how many queries they receive, respond to, and ultimately sign. The odds aren’t good. Here are a few comparables.

On one hand…

The lowly Atlanta Braves are five times more likely to win the World Series this year than I am to sign with an agent.

I have about the same odds of being assaulted by a firearm as I have signing with an agent.

I also have about the same odds of impregnating my wife post-vasectomy as I have signing with an agent.

That baby is twice as likely to be a genius than I am to sign with an agent.

But on the bright side…

I’m ten times more likely to sign with an agent than Han is to successfully navigate that asteroid field according to C3PO.

And I’m 20 times more likely to sign with an agent than I am to be named the new lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots.

So there you have it. Though the odds may be stacked against me, I’m confident that I’ll find the right literary agent in time. Even if I am a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder.