With theaters still closed due to Corona, there is no doubt that premium cable and streamers like Netflix, Disney+, Amazon Prime, and HBO are the current kings of content and while they do make original movies, their bread and butter are series. The Mandalorian, Bridgerton, Cobra Kai, Castlevania, The Witcher, Westworld, and Jack Ryan are just a few of the examples of shows that are currently demanding eyeballs all around the country, reaping those big subscription dollars. Everyone knows Hollywood likes nothing better than exploiting recognizable titles, characters, and storylines. Why risk a multi-million dollar budget on something original that may or not appeal to an audience when you can just produce a spin-off from a popular film (The Mandalorian, Cobra Kai, and Westworld), adapt a video game (Castlevania), or adapt a book series (Bridgerton, The Witcher, and Jack Ryan)? With that in mind, I give you the next promised land – breakfast cereal characters!
Sure, go ahead and laugh but keep in mind the Transformers toy line has churned out
six feature films and god knows how many cartoon series and Johnny Depp became
one of the biggest stars in the world thanks to a series of pirate movies based
on a theme park ride. Are the following ideas really that far-fetched?
Trix
Maybe it’s just a sign of the times when cereal mascots were
popular, but it doesn’t take long to notice all the best ones were decidedly
male so we’re going to gender swap this one. Suzy Rabbit, known as “Tricks”
around the casinos, isn’t just one of the best gamblers on the 60s Las Vegas
Strip. After getting busted reaching for that brass ring, she’s now a secret
agent, working undercover with the FBI to bring down the crime bosses who have taken
control of the town. Evan Rachel Wood stars in this live action drama that’s
violent and sexy enough that it’s definitely not for kids.
Lucky Charms
Aidan Gillen killed it as Littlefinger in Game of Thrones and again as Aberama
Gold in Peaky Blinders. Now he stars
as Lucky, an Irish treasure hunter who travels the wilds of his homeland at the
turn of the first millennium in search of his fortune while trying to avoid
marauding Vikings in this exciting live-action spin-off from General Mills’
delicious toasted oats and multi-colored marshmallow cereal.
Froot Loops
Like the main character in my novel-in-progress, Sam Toucan is
a private-eye. Sam is older and wiser than my protagonist though. He always follows
his nose and it never steers him wrong. Beloved Hollywood icon Jeff Goldblum hasn’t
played a detective this fun since 1980’s Tenspeed
and Brown Shoe but he’s back on television and better than ever in this
comedic crime drama.
Cap’n Crunch
If you didn’t get enough of Russell Crowe sailing the high
seas in the 2003 film Master and
Commander: The Far Side of the World you’ll be thrilled to know Quaker Oats
has cast him as the animated Cap’n Crunch along with the whole crew as they battle
for the safety of Crunch Island against the Sogmaster and of course the captain’s
arch-nemesis, the dastardly Jean LaFoote as voiced by Sasha Baron Cohen.
Honey Smacks
Kevin Hart stars in this live action comedy as Frank Diggem,
a streetwise inner city high school teacher who will do anything he has to in
order to protect his students from the dangers of life in one of the roughest
neighborhoods in New York City while also trying to raise his own precocious
young daughter Honey all while negotiating a sometimes less-than-friendly
relationship with his ex-wife and her new husband.
Monster Cereals
Universal’s attempt at a Dark Universe may have failed
miserably with the ill-advised 2017 remake of The Mummy, but that’s no reason a similar concept couldn’t work via
an animated series. This time Count Chocula, Boo Berry, Franken Berry, Fruit
Brute, and Yummy Mummy star in interconnected episodes of gothic horror ala Showtime’s
Penny Dreadful.
Golden Crisp
Post Cereal’s lone entrant into this new era of
entertainment features the voice of Will Smith as the always loveable Sugar
Bear. This animated series will tell of the ongoing efforts of this
mild-mannered hero as he fights to protect neighborhood kids from the eccentric
and often dangerous plans of Granny Goodwitch, a local crank voiced by Jane
Lynch.
Frosted Flakes
After Dominic Toretto finally drives off into the sunset of
the Fast & Furious film series,
Vin Diesel will star as Tony, a troubled former pro football star for the fictional
Cincinnati Tigers, who now owns a gym in his hometown of Los Angeles. There the
kerchief-wearing muscle man mentors up-and-coming athletes and tries to avoid reverting
into old habits from his playing days.
Cocoa Puffs
Comedy veteran Chris Kattan is back and better than ever as Sonny
the Cuckoo Bird. Watch the animated hijinx of Sonny and his pals as they
practice their tricks at the skatepark then get into all sorts of trouble
delivering groceries via their Uber Eats-like business.
Rice Krispies
And finally the Jonas Brothers star in this animated series
about the brothers Snap, Crackle, and Pop who travel the world as a groovy boy
band but solve mysteries everywhere they go. You won’t catch them eating any Scooby
snacks, but they do enjoy a nice bowl of rice cereal in milk before every gig.
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